Here's a fun fact you may not be aware of -- a majority of Joystiq's readers fall into the 65 - 80-year-old age bracket, explaining why a majority of our ads are for prescription arthritis medication, Stouffer's Seasoned Bread Stuffing, and seasons of Matlock on DVD. As such, only a select few of you know that many schools across the country will be back in session tomorrow. The anguish among the nation's young people is almost tangible -- excluding those whose schools operate on a quarterly schedule, or homeschoolers, or Guitar Hero aficionados with irresponsible hippie parents.
With all the superb, high-quality games that dropped this summer, we wouldn't blame you for feeling like your scholastic minds aren't exactly at their sharpest. Instead of doing your summer reading of The Sun Also Rises or attending your bi-weekly Algebra Club meetings, you focused your attention on moving up the ranks of Battlefield: Bad Company or toiling through the story modes of Soul Calibur IV. Luckily, the repercussions of your educational neglect aren't as severe as you might fear -- somewhat subliminally, these Japanese hardware sales posts have provided subtle instruction over the long, humid summer months.
Hemingway is for the birds; we'd wager that as you grace the halls of your learning establishment tomorrow morning, you'll find yourself better equipped than your contemporaries for the mental challenges provided by your educators -- and for that, we have just one thing to say. You're very, very welcome.
Kylie Prymus, PS3 Fanboy's resident Rene Descartes, recently polished up his Trophy collection with wax philosophical. In one of his most insightful columns to date, Prymus turns his keen analytical eye onto the recently added PS3 Trophy system, examining how the highly enviable awards (and the fairly similar Xbox 360 Achievements) are affecting the way we play and purchase modern video games. Do easily unlocked Trophies and Achievements influence the sales success of mediocre titles? Are we playing our games differently, focusing on tedious tasks in a seemingly endless carrot chase? Do large Gamerscores and impressive Trophy collections make us more popular with the opposite sex?
We don't need no stinking philosophers to find the answer to that last one -- of course they do. For everything else though, check out Prymus' article -- we guarantee it'll be the brainiest game-related essay you'll read all day.
As you could probably deduce from earlier posts concerning ill-conceived pseudo-peripherals for Nintendo's latest home console -- we're not really fans of most Wiimote attachments. We don't need a cheap, plastic tennis racket snapped to the front of our controller to "get our McEnroe on" when playing Wii Tennis. We don't need our Wiimote to look like an ugly sword to carve up baddies in Twilight Princess. However, we suppose the only thing that could counteract our disdain for these shoddy add-ons is our unbridled love of Latin American percussion instruments.
We caught a glimpse of the "prototype" Samba de Amigo maracas a couple months ago, but a recent Amazon listing for the attachments shows that the ol' bean shakers have undergone a makeover, taking on a sassy red finish. The date Amazon has listed for the maracas is September 23 for the price of $14.99 -- though considering the title will come bundled with the attachments, you'd only need to pick these up if you wish to share the true Samba experience with a multiplayer pal. Or if you somehow broke yours, we guess. Or if you're Goro.
Trying to get those chunky pounds to come right off, but you're unable to find a copy of the elusive Wii Fit anywhere within a fifty-mile radius? Perhaps a new WiiWare title, due out tomorrow, can temporarily fill the void -- Ghostfire Games' rhythm-fitness title Helix. The game, which will cost 1000 Wii Points, will have players performing 30 different gestures with two Wiimotes to the beat of 26 songs from independent artists. Ghostfire CEO Ed Roman highlighted the game's health benefits, saying that you can "really burn some calories playing this game." Based on the gameplay video we've posted after the break, you'll probably look totally cool whilst doing so.
In the beginning, Media Molecule made LittleBigPlanet. But the levels were barren and flat, and devoid of obstacles, so the player moved upon the face of the level creation system. And the player said, "Let there be swinging, spongy balls," and there were swinging, spongy balls. And the player saw the swinging, spongy balls, that they were good, and he divided the swinging, spongy balls from the electrified floor.
If you needed any more proof that LittleBigPlanet's level creation system is going to be mind-blowingly robust, (though arguably less robust then the level creation system discussed in Genesis), we turn your attention to the video posted after the break -- a time-lapse sneak preview of a player crafting his own level. It's a pretty clever design, and looks like a blast -- best of all, it only took about ten minutes. That kind of thing apparently used to take seven days. Thanks, technology!
Battlefield Heroes is a fairly unconventional game, especially when measured against other installments in the Battlefield franchise. It's an odd chimeric blend of some of our favorite shooters, with the cartoony style and sense of humor of Team Fortress 2, the character advancement of Call of Duty 4, and the free-ness of America's Army. As such, one couldn't expect the game to be released in a conventional fashion. Were the title gracing store shelves, we'd half expect the discs to come not inside a box, but rather, baked inside of a cake.
Cousins explained that DICE simply plans to increase the size of the closed beta "to the point where every hardcore gamer in the world will probably be able to get a key if they want to," leading up to a time when the game will eventually "sneak out." We've never known a title to be well-served by a surreptitious launch, but we imagine the rules could be different when your game costs bupkis.
The sneak preview features some excellent shots of the second level of Underworld, not to mention a fantastic look at Lara's beautiful ... platforming animation. Considering the unlikelihood of the Thailand Video Game Expo ever existing, we regret to admit that it's probably the closest we'll ever come to The Land of Smiles.
Sony may be experimenting with a new retail strategy for their first-party titles, evidenced by two PSP games which will be released in stores and on the PSN simultaneously in Japan this October. Agoraphobic gamers will be pleased to learn that Bleach: Soul Carnivaland Yuusha no Kuse ni Namaikida or2will both be available via digital distribution on the same day that their respective physical manifestations are shelved at Japanese brick-and-mortars -- better still, the downloadable versions of both games will cost around 1,000 yen (a little over $9) less than their tangible counterparts.
The developer walkthrough provided for Capcom's upcoming swing-action retro remake, Bionic Commando, is one of the most educational videos yet to come out of the Leipzig Games Convention. Not only does the two-part sneak preview explain some of the game's core controls, but it also provides a valuable primer into the German language. For instance, we now know that the German word for "leap" is "sprung", "punch" is the phonetically pleasing "schlag", and "wenn dieser Entwickler hinunter sagt, und beschmutzt noch eine Zeit, werde ich ihn in Brand setzen" means "if this developer says 'down and dirty' one more time, I'm going to set him on fire."
As our stack of thick, leather bound binders filled from end to end with valuable Pokémon cards will attest, we're suckers for collectible card games. You could probably also tell from our proclivity to creep around the local Wal-Mart with a black bandana crudely wrapped around our greasy mullets that we're also diehard fans of stealth action. As such, it would seem logical to assume we're big supporters of the PSP-exclusive Metal Gear Acidtitles -- unfortunately, one look at our barren ludological library will show that we possess a powerful, unnatural fear of video game packaging.
Thankfully, our hopes for a downloadable version of the Acid titles were lifted somewhat by a brief blurb from series creator Hideo Kojima at Leipzig yesterday. Kojima explained that while there's currently no plans concerning the two titles, it's "possible" that the card battlers could be uploaded onto PSN. We certainly would have preferred a more substantial tease from the Metal Gear maven, a "probable" or "likely", perhaps -- but we suppose beggars can't be choosers.
You awaken this morning with a stabbing pain in your side, as you do nearly every morning. The straps on your ceiling-bed, while successful in keeping you tightly bound to your mattress, simply aren't comfortable. You undo the safety clasp and gently crash to the ground, taking special care to not land on the rotating floor-fan, which you paid the steep price of twelve steaks to have repaired just last Frumpday. You pull on your sandpaper pants, flannel overpants, one rollerblade, a cast iron breastplate, then place a sock puppet on each of your hands before checking yourself out in the mirror. You look good.
Gliding into the kitchen, you're pleased to find that the dictionary delivery boy (who usually runs behind on his dictionary route) arrived promptly at red o' clock to supply today's edition of the widely circulated definitorial tome. Your dog, though still incensed about last night's heated argument concerning the rapidly shrinking national bureaucracy, has made a fresh pot of coffee for you. How considerate of him. You pour some into a salad bowl, climb on top of the stove, and slowly empty the steaming brew onto your lap. "Refreshing," you exclaim! You then turn your attention to the dictionary -- skipping past the classified ads, you quickly find that week's Japanese hardware sales figures.
You wish, more than anything, to live in a world parallel to your own -- a world where beds are placed on floors and rotating fans are attached to ceilings. A world where steaks are eaten, not spent. A world where wearing two rollerblades at a time (or none, for that matter) isn't considered an illegal activity. A world where dogs kept their acerbic, self-righteous opinions to themselves. A world where coffee could be enjoyed with one's mouth. A world where the PSP would possess an unflagging sales dominance over all other systems in Japan, while the 360 would possess a contrariwise familiarity with last place.
But such a world, such a strange and marvelous world, could not possibly exist.
The demo takes place during one of the first levels in the game, known as the "TIE Fighter Construction Facility" -- we assume it's the same area featured in the recent batch of previews for the title. It will also contain a training mode which will allow the player to get a firm grasp on the Force Grip power. However, we know the question that's on everyone's mind -- will any of those adorable Ewoks be present? We can only hope.
The repercussions of a Potter game delay could be bad for Electronic Arts, as both their holiday profits and fiscal 2009 revenue could take a hit without the title -- however, it could mean good news for those waiting on a truly stellar Harry Potter video game. Greenwald claims the title is "pretty much done and ready", meaning a delay would give EA an extra eight months to perfect the movie tie-in. We'll let you know what EA decides to do once they make an official statement.
Okay, we're still not entirely sold on KORE quite yet, but the robo-platforming and Psychonauts-esque visuals are more than enough to pique our collective interest. We'll be keeping an eye on the resuscitated title as its ambitious developers continue revamping it -- we just hope they kan limit the inkorrekt usage of the letter K. It upsets the English majors among us.
Australians love the rock music just as much as the inhabitants of any other country, but did you know that they've yet to receive Harmonix's rock star simulator, Rock Band? According to an unidentified retail tipster on IGN, Aussies may remain Rock Band-less indefinitely -- it seems retailers are hesitant to transport and shelve the bulky bundles, especially since the title is nearly a year old. The same tipster also disclosed that Australian stores are much more likely to sell the cheaper and newer Guitar Hero: World Tour when it drops later this year.
It's great news for Activision, but EA may be in a heap of trouble Down Under -- further speculation from IGN's tipster states that for similar reasons, Rock Band 2may skip over the sunburned country, making the Commonwealth of Australia a strictly Guitar Hero territory. It's regrettable that they might not have the faux-rocking opportunities afforded to the rest of the gaming world -- though we're certainly jealous that they may not have to suffer the Battle of the Band Simulators that has nearly torn the rest of the planet asunder.
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